how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
