i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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