Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
