We named our party play list daddy issues
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
