Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sober January is a disaster.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
