why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
