ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
