he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
