I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
