if i can run in heels then i can drive
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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