just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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