Got a toothbrush?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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