what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
