he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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