Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
