Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
