here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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