I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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