wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Boobs are out for the taking
Just pee around me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
