Duck Duck Cougar?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
