have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
