He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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