she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
