Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
