you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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