I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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