i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
