your parents love me but you hate me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
