why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
