watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
