You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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