I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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