hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
