Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
