it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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