i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize