8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
