My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
