So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
