Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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