There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
