My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she peed on how many people?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
