can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
