I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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