People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
