I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
