my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
