i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
