I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
