omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
