ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
