Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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