So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
