The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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