Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
