Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
