The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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