Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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