I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I want is dick and wine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
