This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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