Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
