I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
